Thursday, July 24, 2014

Funny Foto #59

By Michael Seese

Something that has bothered me for a long time...



























Is it just me, or is anyone else creeped out by the fact that Cap'n Crunch's eyebrows somehow float in front of his hat!

And don't get me started on those corneas which intrude on the brim...






Saturday, July 19, 2014

"Big Sister"

By Michael Seese

I've missed the past few weeks of Flash Friday. As I've said before, sometimes the photo prompt doesn't resonate. But this one did.




 























Here is "Big Sister."


Melissa always wanted whatever her big sister had.



Melissa, leave my dolls alone!”



When Grace won a goldfish at the state fair, Melissa cried until she got one. When Grace started ballet lessons, Melissa tagged along, even though she invariably would tumble from the balance beam.



Melissa, stop listening to my CDs!”



When Grace took tennis lessons, Melissa whacked balls off the garage door for hours on end. When Grace got a cell phone for her birthday, Melissa fashioned one from a single-serving cereal box and lounged on her bed, gabbing and twirling her hair around her finger.



Melissa, stop taking my clothes!”



When Grace earned her driver’s license, Melissa borrowed the neighbor’s car and wrapped it around a tree. When Grace began dating Ryan, the most popular senior in school, Melissa offered the boy her virginity.



And when Grace had her first baby…



Mel! What are you doing with that gun!”



Melissa always wanted whatever her big sister had.




Kind of dark,huh? Feel free to share your thoughts.

Monday, July 14, 2014

Funny Foto #58

By Michael Seese

I can't speak for folks in other parts of the country (or the world), but where I live, the CVS drug store usually spits out these absurdly long receipts with coupons and other offers. In the interest of fairness, sometimes they're great, such as the occasional "25% off your next purchase."

The other day, after buying two items, I got this receipt.







































For the record, it's 41 inches long!

How about you? Does your local drug store print out ribbons of receipts?

Saturday, June 28, 2014

Flash With Janet: Somewhere Outside Las Vegas

By Michael Seese

I dashed out a quick story (literally 15 minutes of work) for yesterday's Janet Reid flash fiction contest.

She noted that one of her regular readers has been down with an illness. So she challenged us to write 100 words using:

evil
virus
mono
blush
piper 


And here is "Somewhere Outside Las Vegas."


 
Dr. Evil was not pleased.

Mini Me!” he shouted. “Get in here.”

The one-eighth-size clone hurried in.

Yes, Dr. Evil?” he said.

You nincompoop!”

What’s wrong? I did exactly as you said,” Mini Me pleaded, blushing.

Oh, did you?”

Yes. I spiked his soda with a virus.”

A deadly virus. You gave him mononucleosis. This is Austin Powers. He gets that disease every week.”

But what about--”

I said to hire a sniper. Not a piper.”

I'm bigger than you and higher up the food chain. Get in my belly,” bellowed Fat Bastard.

I need new help,” sighed Dr. Evil.



Feel free to share your thoughts on Somewhere Outside Las Vegas.

Friday, June 27, 2014

Flash Friday: A Bad Day

By Michael Seese

I managed to eke out a quick short story today for Flash Friday.

This is the prompt we had to work with:



 
















And here is "A Bad Day."



The Geiger counter was silent.

Phew, I thought. That's a relief.

I was ready to call it a day and go home. I wanted to put this one far behind me. A nice quiet dinner with my wife and kids, and then a glass of wine by the fireplace would go a long way toward accomplishing that goal.

We all have our bucket lists. I suppose to some extent we (consciously or not) also have an “un-bucket” list. Things we hope never to do.

Like sitting paralyzed as the pressure gauge rockets to the red line.

I never did like those hazmat suits. They tend to creep people out. With good reason, I suppose.

“So we're good?” I said.

“Hold on,” he said. At least that’s what I think he said. It was hard to understand him with the hood covering his face. “Open your mouth.”

I did. The thing started squealing like a pig.

“I’m sorry,” he said.
 



Feel free to share your thoughts on "A Bad Day."

Saturday, June 21, 2014

Flash Fiction Two-fer

By Michael Seese

I managed to wrote two pieces of flash fiction yesterday. First, there was Flash! Friday.

Here is the photo prompt:




 





















Below is "The Empress"



The queen was not pleased. Her minister attempted to appease her.

“Please, your Majesty. It is for a short time. For the duration of the ceremony.”

“I won’t. I simply will not do it.”

“I'm afraid you must.

“I am the Queen of England... and other insignificant places. I do not have to do anything I do not wish to.”

“Your Highness, consider your female subjects here, in England… as well as those other insignificant places. You are a role model, and that includes fashion. My sources on Cacrnaby tell me that skirts of grass and necklaces of flowers are poised for a breakout season.”

Victoria sighed.

“But it looks like a pineapple.”

“It is a pineapple.”

“Damn my grandfather! If he had just let those bloody colonists have their way, they would be independent now, their bumbling buffoonery notwithstanding. And then, I would not be forced to degrade myself by assuming an asinine title like ‘Empress Of Hawaii.’ ”



For Janet's contest, you had to incorporate the words:

rose
berry
child
parker
finder

I came up with "Sharing."


“Finders, keepers.”

I hated it when she said that. It was so childish.

“Where did you find it?” I asked.

“Over there. By those wild blackberry bushes.”

“You’re not going to share?”

“No. Find your own.”

I sat down heavily and pouted. That <i>always</i> worked.

“Fine. Have some.”

“Please. You go first.”

“You're such a gentleman, Parker.”

We took our turns at the jugular, draining its blood until it resembled a withered rose.

“That was delicious.”

“It was.”

Over time, we’ve found it’s much easier to stomach our meals if we talk about them as “its,” rather than as people.





Feel free to share your thoughts on "The Empress" and / or "Sharing."


Friday, June 20, 2014

Funny Foto #57

By Michael Seese

Spied at the local Dollar Store. I think I'll file this under, "OK, now I've seen everything."


 

















To me it begs the question: exactly how stoned do you have to be to need a test to prove it to yourself? 

Of course, I found it equally funny that these were shelved next to the pregnancy tests.