Saturday, August 15, 2020

Janet Flash: Toad Torture

by Michael Seese

So, here comes a flurry of flash...

After last week's "Particularly Diabolical" (later downgraded to merely diabolical) Flash Fiction Contest, Janet Reid upped the game with a SUPER Diabolical Flash Fiction Contest. We were challenged, under penalty of death, or something, to use:

cafeteria (Casual-T)
supine (C. Dan Castro)
chonky (Terri Lynn Coop)
vital (Lennon Faris)
toad-in-a-hole (Brigid)

in a 100-word story. Apparently, toad-in-the-hole is British cuisine, an oxymoron in and of itself. 



But I didn't know that, and didn't care, as I immediately locked onto the word with another idea in mind. 

 And so I give you "Toad Torture."


"I'm sorry. What?" 

"We cram a chonky toad into one of their holes. Like, a nostril. Or an ear. Or, my preferred cavit—" 

"A little extreme."

Some ideas deserve to die. And some ideas should be murdered. With malice.

"What if we let them pick the orifice? You know, cafeteria style."


"Fine. Here's another. We tie them down, supine, get a frog—" 

"Thank you. I'll be in touch."

Three months, two days.

Three months, two days until I retire from my position as Minister Of Torture. Then I can return to my true calling as a literary agent.


I had wanted to end with "true calling as New York Times crossword puzzle editor," but the word count was just too much. And, I played to the audience.

It didn't win, though it made the long list, with the comment:

"And some ideas should be murdered. With malice."
I may have this printed on my business cards.

I knew she'd like that one. 

Tomorrow: The return of Flash Friday!

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