Query Draft...Please Comment!

OK, so I don't often explicitly ask anyone to comment on my posts. But this time, I am.  I'm working on a new project. It's a thriller. I'm not quite to the querying-an-agent stage yet. But I soon will be. So I would like your opinion of the following:

Tommy's heart was racing, beating fast, like a million times a second. He should have been doing something normal, like sitting at home studying for a test or making out with a cheerleader. Instead, he was standing on the cornice of a church, 50 feet in the air, staring into the glowing red eyes of the monster, waiting for it to charge.

“Why am I doing this?” he asked himself? “Oh yeah, it’s my monster, created through my thoughts. So I need to take care of it.”

The demon let out a roar, a sound he had heard all too often over the past week.

“But why can’t I just let the police handle it? Well, I guess the fact that it can see through my eyes, and hear what I’m saying, has something to do with my sense of personal responsibility and urgency.”

Looking back over the murderous events of past week, Tommy realized that he should have listened to the critics and his own gut, both of which had said that dream manipulation was dangerous, and could produce unexpected consequences. Well, the consequence--all seven feet of it--was at this moment staring into his eyes and flexing its claws.

Remember: Dreams sometimes can go astray, and when they do, that's what we call...

NIGHTMARES is a YA magical realism novel, complete at 70,000 words.

(In case you didn't know, YA stands for young adult.)

Obviously, you know nothing about the book. But neither will an agent. Does it grab your attention? Does it make you want to know more about it? If this were on the back cover, would you crack the book and start reading? Is there something else you would like to know?

I would really appreciate your input!