More Job Humor

By Michael Seese

As I've mentioned in previous posts, sometimes I find a lot of humor in my work as an infosec and privacy pro.

For example, a few days ago I received my copy of the "ABA Bank Risk News." (In this case, ABA stands for American Bankers' Association.) Under the header of "Bank Robbery Roundup" were the following headlines.

FBI and area police seek information leading to arrest of 'bearded bandit'.
'AK-47 Bandit' who shot Chino officer tied to three bank robberies..
Fresno's 'Smelly Bandit' pleads no contest in bank robberies.. 
'Baseball Babe Bandit' sought in bank heists.
‘Bucket List Bandit’ robs 4th bank.
Police: Female bandit caught after robbing 4th bank.
‘Bad hair bandit’ faces 21 bank robbery charges.
‘Ball Cap Bandit’, another person arrested for Germantown bank robbery.
‘Wicker Park Bandit’ pleads guilty to bank robberies.

A few of these merited further investigation, and then comment.

For example, in the "Baseball Babe" story was the passage, "During the incidents, the woman hands the teller a demand note and threatens the bank employees. After receiving money, she has been seen leaving on a bicycle, officials said."

On a bicycle? And they can't catch her? 


Or consider the "Bucket List Bandit." "Whinham said a man walked into a Wells Fargo branch July 6 and had a note ordering the teller not to mess with him and to hand over a specific amount of money. The note also said he had just four months to live. The man's claim that he's dying hasn't been confirmed by police."

What is wrong with the police in Roy, Utah that they can't tell whether a man that they haven't caught yet is lying about a terminal condition?


Finally, there is the "Bad Hair Bandit." The picture does show very bad hair. (It's a wig, though.) What intrigued me were the opening two paragraphs: "A registered nurse suspected in a string of multi-state bank robberies in 2011 was arraigned on 21 counts of robbery counts in Sacramento federal court Friday. Cynthia Lynn Van Holland, 48, described by prosecutors as a transient from Washington and Idaho, was caught on Interstate 80 minutes after a bank hold-up in Auburn last August."


Whoever heard of a transient registered nurse?

This stuff is almost as good as the "stupid robber" stories...you know, the ones where a guy hands the teller a note written on the back of an appointment reminder from his parole officer. 

Feel free to share any dumb criminal stories you've heard.