By Michael Seese
A "micropoem" I wrote has been selected for inclusion in the upcoming issue of Poetry Nook Magazine. The editor made a suggestion for a text change. I'm not sure if I like it better than the original, or not.
So I thought I would put it to a vote.
The two versions differ by only one word (technically, one letter) and one piece of punctuation. I won't say whose is whose.
They are:
as much as i try
i cannot unshatter
the glass of my life
OR
as much as i try
i cannot unshatter
the glass, or my life
Please leave a comment as to which you prefer.
Which "unshatter" is the right one? Click to tweet.
I guess it depends on what it is you're trying to say. Is your life made of glass? Then the first one works. If you broke a glass and reflect it as being your life, then the second one makes sense. Hope that helps.
ReplyDeleteI rather like the first one better, but the second one is good too. I agree with Stacy, it depends on what you want. The second one has me thinking of a man who broke a vase and is staring at it, about to break down, and he's thinking the lines if the poem (he already is a depressed man). I love the poem, by the way! Really powerful, and I'm not just saying that to say it. It's going to haunt my mind for a few hours, and I love the prose :) On second thought, I like second version better! It gives more of a story behind it. The first one sounds lyrically better, though.
ReplyDeleteTo follow up: I went with the first, as you all opined. FYI, that's the one the editor suggested.
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