Five Hours And Counting...

I hope everyone has a SAFE and Happy New Year.

Also, I wonder how many people will tweet "Happy New Year" right at midnight?

Christmas Top 10

Now that Christmas is over, and only the hangover (financial and other) remains, I thought it would be fun to have an interactive post. I have smart and witty friends and followers, so I thought we all could work together on:

The Top 10 Things Santa Doesn't Want To Hear.

I'll start:

#10. Echo Base, this is Maverick. I have a target lock on the bogey. Request permission to fire.

#9. Santa, you've been punk'd.

OK, let's get eight (at least) more.

Christmas Funny

I hadn't planned on writing today, but saw something funny last night, and had to share.

After we put the presents under the tree, my wife and I sat down to watch some TV. We wanted to watch some of Saturday Night Live, but the Pope was on. (The nerve of some people!) So we clicked down one station from NBC, to PBS, which was carrying Christmas in Washington D.C.

Just as we tuned in, President Obama was on stage, delivering a speech. He made reference to the First Family, and the camera angle switched to show them. To the right of the screen was Michelle. To her right was their older daughter, then an empty chair, and then their younger daughter. On the empty seat, clearly visible was a printed placard which read:

THE PRESIDENT

Seriously? Do they really need to label it? I can't imagine some tourist wandering down there and saying, "Oh look, Marge. There's a nice seat, front and center. You take it. I'll sit here at the end of the aisle."

OK, it probably was just there so that he knew where to sit when they arrived. But still...

Merry Christmas, what's left of it. And to all a good night.

'Tis The Season

I enjoy creative TV commercials, which I get to see...about once a week, since I only watch one show a week.

Christmas commercials can be hit or miss. For example, a long-running ad which always has gotten on my nerves is the Lexus Christmas series. You know, the ones where a husband or wife leads his or her spouse outside and shows off the new car with the big red bow on it.  I always thought the tagline should have been, "Lexus. For those of you who are so @$%&! rich that you can spend $40,000 without consulting your wife."

But the other day, I saw a Best Buy commercial that I love! Apparently, it's part of a series. If I watched more TV, I might know that.

But for your enjoyment, I bring you the Verizon / Best Guy "Game On, Santa."

Personally speaking, I adore her snort-laugh at the end. And how can you not love a line like, "Better luck next year, ELF BOY."

Have you found a great Christmas (or other) commercial? If so, post a link in a comment.

Ho ho ho!

Administrivia....

I took a little time today to take care of a few "administrative" details regarding my books.

In a recent blog, agent Rachelle Gardner said:

I’ve heard from several sources that Barnes & Noble is paying attention to authors’ blogs and websites, and specifically, they’re interested in which links you include so that people can click through to buy your book. If you are linking only to Amazon, Barnes & Noble may choose not to carry your book.

I thought, "Haunting Valley isn't available on barnesandnoble.com. But I've been meaning to make it a Nook book." So I took care of that. Here is a link to it, should you want it for your Nook. (It makes a great Christmas gift.)

I also updated the "Fiction Stuff" page of my blog site to include the aforementioned URL. And while I was at it, I also added the URLs for Scrappy Information Security and Scrappy BCP on B&N, as well as their links on Books-a-Million -- which is another book-selling site that Rachelle recommended -- to my "Nonfiction Stuff" page.

Switching gears a little, I added myself as an author on Goodreads. So I now can be "liked" in a whole new place. Or, not liked, I suppose.

Sometimes, you have to do the little stuff in order to make a career of the big stuff.

Oops! ... I Did It Again

With all undue respect to Britney...

In a previous post, I recounted how I recently had a two-part writing session. I composed a scene in my head while walking on the treadmill one night, and then moved it from my gray matter to the PC the next day. I was able to remember 1,500 words, and felt pretty proud of that accomplishment.

I finished that blog with "Now if you'll excuse me, I hear the treadmill calling."

I really did get on the treadmill. And, I did pick up where I had left off the night before, and once again started "brain writing." When I finished, unlike the last time, I ran upstairs to type in one specific sentence that I really liked, and was afraid of losing. Of course, as often is the case when I want to write down "just one sentence," 15 minutes later I had 300 words.

But then I went to bed, and finished the next day. When the smoke cleared, I had written another 1,850 words.

I could get used to this!

A Revelation!

We have some friends in the Pittsburgh area who are having a Christmas Eve open house. In the days BC (before children) we would not have thought twice about going. (For those of you who don't know, our kids are 6, 3, and 3.) We could head out around 6:00, drive for two hours, socialize for three or four, and then drive home. Piece of cake, especially when we could sleep in afterwards. But now...

We're still thinking of going. The weather will be the deciding factor. Since Christmas is on a Sunday, the kids will sleep in on Saturday, which means we can push their bedtime a bit. And they will sleep in the car on the way home.

My wife and I were talking about it at dinner tonight.

"You know what would be cool?" I said. "If we had my Mom come by while we're gone (she lives ten minutes away) and put out the presents." But then I realized:

1. It would be irrelevant, since the kids almost certainly will be asleep when we get home, and

2. If somehow they're not, we're doomed, since they'd want to open them right then.

And then it hit me. You often hear about families whose tradition is to open presents on Christmas Eve.

I wonder if that "tradition" started because the parents were sick of getting woken up at 6:00 a.m. on Christmas Day. If they open their presents at night, then there is no need to wake up early the next day. All you have to do is think of a reason why Santa would deliver the presents early Christmas Eve, and you're home free.

Hmmm.

I Love My Brain!

OK, so that sounds a little vain. What I'm really thinking at this moment is that I love my treadmill. I can always use the cardio workout, since gym time has been hard to come by since the advent of the kids. But what I really love is that I can use my brain while walking, to write. As I mentioned in a recent post, I've become pretty adept at composing in my head, though I have to limit myself to dialog. I have a hard time maintaining descriptive passages in the gray matter until I can write or type them down. But conversation, I can hold onto.

For example...

Last night, I hopped on, fired up the treadmill, punched in 25 minutes on a 4.0 incline at 4.2 miles per hour, and walked down a road to nowhere. 

I started thinking about the next scene in the book I'm working on. The words kept coming. And coming. And coming. I do have a little digital voice recorder. I really should get the Dragon speech recognition software, since this recorder has a USB plug, and was made to work with that application. Plug it in, hit play, and voila! Words! It will save me a lot of after-typing. Someday...

Anyway, by the time I had finished, it was pretty late. I thought I would be able to keep it all in my head until tonight. And I was right.

I just completed a 1,500-word brain dump. Not a bad job of caching, if I do say so myself.
 

As an added bonus, as I was walking around the office today, in the back of my head, I recalled that in this particular conversation, one of the actors makes reference to having twins. But what was the context? I kept asking myself. I couldn't remember. I assumed / hoped it would come to me as I wrote. It did.

Here's the setup: my hero has been in the hospital with an injury. His eyes have been taped shut due to light sensitivity. The doctor has just removed the bandages.

    “So you can see the three of us?” he asked.

    “I can. And you’re all beautiful.” I glanced behind them and focused on the wall. “Is it...11:00?”

    The doctor looked over his shoulder, then back at me. Even though I still was a long way away from high-definition visual processing, I could tell there that was some degree of amazement on his face. “Not quite,” he said. “It’s five until noon. But if you think about it, the hands are in the same place at both times. You just can’t distinguish between the big hand and the little hand yet.”

    “The big hand and the little hand? Do I really look that young?”

    “Sorry, I have four-year-old twins at home. So right now, Elmo and I are busy with helping them learn to read clocks.”

OK, I do love my brain!

Now if you'll excuse me, I hear the treadmill calling.

"All In The Name Of Regress" Revisited

Yes, I am going to repeat myself. But bear with me.

I originally came up with the idea for  "All In The Name Of Regress" while driving home from work one day, when I saw a tree that had been sculpted, for lack of a better word, around the telephone and electrical lines. I made a mental note to get a picture of it the next day. But I was delayed getting out of work, and had to rush home to meet the bus. So I couldn't take the time to stop. The next day, same thing. I think the day after that, I had to get the twins from day care, so I didn't go that way.

To make a long story longer, the next time I had an opportunity to stop, the tree didn't look...well, it didn't appear as I had remembered it. So I "settled" on a different picture of electrical wires. But over time, with the leaves changing colors, the scallop became more pronounced.

So here once again is "All In The Name Of Regress," with the "right" tree.

All In The Name Of Regress

 

In 2003,

a tree

touched electricity,

and we

sat dumbly,

idly,

in antiquity

(no TV

or PCs)

for 43

hours.

We cowered

until the powers

that be

called the sawers

to cut the boughs

away from the towers.

Regrettably,

fait accompli.

But, what's one less squirrel bower

if we

can guarantee

that we

would never see

the delivery

of our energy

interrupted by something as unlikely,

anti-

technology,

and utterly

unnecessary

as a tree?

Udopia Sample

In previous posts, I've offered snippets of my novella, Udopia. I had wanted to share more. But what was I going to do...paste 30 pages into a blog entry? I don't think so.

Then my friend Jim, owner of the Fireside Bookshop in beautiful Chagrin Falls, graciously offered to host a sample on their server. It's not a web page you can navigate to from their website. But here is a link to the first 30 pages.

Read, and enjoy. Comment if you wish.

Applying Fiction In The Real World

I truly believe in my heart that I will be a full-time author some day. Hopefully it is sooner rather than later. After all, I am actively, diligently working toward that goal. So let's hope that good things really do come to those who wait...and work their tails off.

When I do finally get "there," I know that I won't entertain ANY thoughts of "if only..." as in, "If only I could have done this 20 years ago, I never would have needed a 'real' job," just like my current hero, Richard Castle. No, I don't regret for a second having to work my myriad day jobs. I've made good friends, and I've learned a lot, about people, about politics, and about cool computer stuff. In fact, my current career -- information security and privacy -- has provided me with what I consider to be a valuable life skill for the high-tech world we live in now: a healthy sense of paranoia. Of course, as Dr. Johnny Fever once said, "When they are after you, paranoid is just good thinking."

For example, every now and then on my way to work, I pass a car which has several stick-figure family stickers on the back.You've probably seen them: 

This car that I often see shows the "mommy" figure, two kids, and two pets.

Does this woman realize that she basically is advertising the fact that she's a single mom? Whether or not it's really true, it is a logical inference, based on the stickers. If I were a criminal, I might have another name for that: easy target. Clearly, one can't know whether she's a martial arts expert, or has a concealed carry permit. She might be formidible. But on the surface, she is saying, "I am alone."

And even if I were a non-violent criminal (i.e., not a kidnapper), I'd try to find out where that car goes every night, reasoning that the house almost certainly is vacant during the day, since she's clearly not a stay-at-home mom. To help with that effort, there also is a bumper sticker which displays the emblem of the school district they live in. Sure, it doesn't say what street; but it narrows down the search.

I hope this post doesn't come across as negative. Obviously, I'm not advocating violence or crime. But I am advocating caution and vigilance which, as an infosec pro, I have to exercise every day. I often have to put on a "black hat" in order to think about what sort of escapade a scammer might be dreaming up in order to separate our customers from their money. Similarly, as a writer of fiction, I frequently have to ask, "WWBGD?" (What Would a Bad Guy Do?)

The takeaway, I suppose, is to remember that if you can concoct an awesome fictional criminal attack, some real-world bad guy already has.

So be aware, and don't fall victim to some scheme that you thought was your personal property. Let's be careful out there, people.

Ah, Life In NE Ohio

Don't get me wrong. I love living here. But...

Today as I was driving to work, the sun peeked out from behind a cloud. I reached up into the holder where I keep my sunglasses. But they were not there.

Where could they be? I wondered. Where did I last have them on?

Think.

Think.

Think.

Oh, I remember...they're in the diaper bag, which I last had on my back at the zoo.

On Sunday! Think about it. Today is Thursday! That means no sun on Monday, Tuesday, or Wednesday. Further, the reason they were in the diaper bag was because it started raining Sunday afternoon while we were at the zoo.

All I'm saying is that if Hemingway had lived in Cleveland, he would not have written The Sun Also Rises. How would he have known?

On a completely unrelated topic...

Steelers 7, Browns 3 at the half. At least it's not the massacre I had feared.

Why Am I Doing This Again...

No matter how good of a writer I believe I am, at times I am wracked with self-doubt. What writer isn't? What writer doesn't fear that his or her efforts are nothing more than fanciful, self-indulgent drivel, and appealing to an audience of one? OK, maybe Stephen King never does. (Of course, what would scare that guy?) But I would imagine that the rest of us mortals occasionally wonder if we can "do this."

Case in point: my latest project, Nightmares. I think it seems like a cool concept. I think I concocted a compelling story. I think it's well written, with good action and realistic dialog.

I've sent out a few preliminary query letters to agents, and have gotten back three polite "no" responses. Am I ready to throw in the towel? Of course not, especially since in a blog I read the other day, the author said that she received 50 rejections before her book was accepted. So I'll put away the sharp objects and the noose for now. But still...

Am I good enough to be a Writer, with a capital "W?"
Will people want to buy my work?
Am I wasting my time?

And then I get something like this...

I had asked a few friends to review Nightmares, not as a proofreader, but more from the perspective of a fan of fiction. "If you started reading this book, would you keep reading?" I asked. One of my friends wrote the following:

What was supposed to be just at lunchtime turned into the rest of the afternoon.  I couldn’t put it down.  For me that says a lot.  I've been reading quite a bit lately and if a book doesn't catch my interest quickly, I stop reading it.  Yours, I enjoyed so much I started through it a second time this afternoon.

Yes, I know it came from a friend, who likes me, and therefore is biased toward my writing. Still, I asked for an honest assessment. And I believe I got one.

Now if you'll excuse me, I have a few more agents to query.

It May Be None Of My Business But...

This isn't about writing. But I still feel compelled to say something...

Yesterday, my wife and I took our kids to the zoo. It was sunny and 50 degrees (in December, no less). After seeing some of the outside animals--the elephants, lions, monkeys, and giraffes--we went into the zoo's indoor rain forest. We first stopped for lunch, and then headed over to the exhibit areas.

As we passed the main entrance, in walked The Perfect Couple. Both were very attractive people. He wore a sport coat and slacks, and had thick, wavy, dark hair. She was slender, wearing stylish jeans, and had long, straight blonde hair. With them were their two kids, in a stroller, being pushed by a woman who:

1. I'm guessing was not related to either parent, and
2. I'm certain was not born in this country.

I said to my wife, "Honey, I knew you forget to bring something. Our Guatemalan maid!"

Come on, people! If you're taking your kids to the zoo, why don't YOU take them? Isn't that what family time is? I'm just wondering whom the dad plans to hire at some future date to play catch with his son. At least he'll probably take the daughter to the debutante ball when she turns 16; of course, you get your picture in the paper for that. </snotty cynicism>

Though it's not exactly the same, I once worked with a young woman from India who told me, "I do miss my parents. But I miss my servant more." Not because her servant waited on her hand and foot. Because it was her servant who raised her. I just hope these kids don't some day say the same thing.

Hey, and why not give the maid a day off while you're at it?

Oh, and who am I kidding? This will end up in a book or something some day. So I guess it ultimately is related to writing.

I Know It's Quality, Not Quantity. But...

As I've gotten older, I seem to find that writing dialog has become easier for me. I don't know whether it's the fact that over time I've been part of more conversations, as well as heard more on television and in movies. Or perhaps I've developed an "ear," like one does for music. Of course, I can't discount the fact that I've become pretty good at "holding" dialog in my head. If I'm doing something mundane like the dishes, and come up with a descriptive passage, I pretty much need to stop and write it down, lest I lose it; dialog, in contrast, I can file away and transfer it from my RAM to the PC later.

Case in point...

The other day I was working on the follow-up to Nightmares. I won't talk too much about it yet. Let me just say that I think this book really has some "bite" to it. I was thinking of a conversation that my protagonist, Tommy, would be having with the female lead, Laura. 

When I had some spare time, I opened the doc-in-progress. In 30 minutes, I knocked out 750 words. 750 words! Do the math: that's 1,500 words per hour. Though I know I realistically couldn't keep up that pace--if you'll excuse a little flight of fancy--that would be 12,000 words in an eight-hour day. So I could write a 70,000-word YA novel in about a week.

Boy, I sure would like the opportunity to make this my full-time job.

Castle: "Kill Shot"

I apologize for the late summary of last week's (11/21) episode of "Castle." It sat in the DVR for a while. Busy, busy.

This was one of the better installments of late. I mentioned last time that I was somewhat disappointed with the Atlantic City episode. Though I cited the fact that it was outside of NYC -- which I consider to be a character unto itself -- the main problem was the lack of Castle-Beckett interaction, which I think really drives the show.

This one didn't have as much Castle as usual, since the focus was on Beckett. Therefore, there was not much interplay this time, either. But it still worked. She was great. I thought the scene where Esposito takes her into the evidence room and shows her the rifle that was used to shoot her was terrific. It was good to have them interact, and connect. As I've said in the past, too often a show becomes the star(s) and spare parts. I like to see Ryan and Esposito given some real substance to work with. Then, they closed the loop by (SPOILER!) having Esposito take out the sniper.

And they gave "Counselor Worf" an expanded role...enough to actually merit including him in the title sequence. I've been amused on occasion in the past when I see the name "Michael Dorn" at the beginning, and then he's in the show for literally 30 seconds at the end.

NIGHTMARES, Phase 2

In a previous post, I mentioned that I had finished the first pass of Nightmares, and would then be circling back to the beginning to proof, check for logic flaws, etc. I actually finished this effort about two weeks ago, on Friday, 11/18. The final tally was just over 69,000 words, not far off from my estimate of 70,000.

Now begins the arduous process of trying to find an agent. I don't want to come across as negative. It's just that as a writer, I want to write and let someone else handle the "business" end of things, like finding a publisher. That's why you get an agent. If only it weren't so darned hard.

To be honest, I think it's worse than applying for a job. Of  course, if I were out of work and my mortgage depended on finding a job, I might think differently. But since I do have a day job...

My reasons for asserting that an agent search is worse than a job search are:

1. There are so many agents out there. If I were applying for a job, since I have no intention of relocating, the pool of employers is fairly limited. Because of my profession -- information security -- I'm also largely limited to major corporations. But even if I were applying for a job as a writer, with various permutations (newspaper writer, technical writer, book editor) the number of potential companies is still comparably small. In contrast, there are hundreds -- if not thousands -- of literary agents out there. I use the Writers Market website to target my search to what I think are appropriate agents. The problem is, many agents accept clients who write in a variety of genres. So even with tools, the search process is challenging.

2. Every agent wants something different. Some say to send a query only. Some want the query plus the first chapter. Some want the first ten pages. I've even seen one that asked for 50 pages. On the other hand, though I know it's advisable to "tailor" a resume to match what the employer is looking for, it's not as if one says, "Send a one-paragraph summary," another says, "Send a one-page resume," and another says, "Send your resume along with your grade school, high school, and college transcripts."

3. The waiting game. With an employer, it's pretty much a given that their attitude is "Don't call us. We'll call you." Fine. Some agents say the same thing. Fine. But others say, "If you don't hear back in four weeks, please do write back." I appreciate that. It's just a lot to keep track of.

4. Though not very common, some agents say, "No simultaneous submissions." Could you imagine if an employer said the same thing about resumes? "Oh you've applied to corporation X as well? Write back when you're serious about applying for a job with us only."

Oh well.

As I said, I don't want this to come across as sour grapes. In fact, I'm sure the challenges will make me appreciate my agent -- once I find him or her -- all the more.

It's just the "getting there" part...